


If You Loved Me (Why'd You Leave Me?)

by that_shipper



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Angst, Captain America: The First Avenger, Emotional, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Serum, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sadness, Separation, Stucky - Freeform, WWII, pre-serum stucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_shipper/pseuds/that_shipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's raining when Bucky leaves, and Steve can't help but feel a kind of hopelessness rising in his gut.<br/>***<br/>Also known as that angsty fic about the night Bucky left for the 107th.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Loved Me (Why'd You Leave Me?)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raven_bird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_bird/gifts).



> Title and quotes shamelessly stolen from "All I Want" by Kodaline. 
> 
> This fic only really exists because I'm avoiding studying for my exams...
> 
> For raven_bird because she's wonderful :)

~all I want is nothing more~

It was raining when he left. 

Steve thought it was only fitting that the outside weather matched the storm that raged inside his heart as Bucky tipped his hat to him. Unaware of the rain and everything he's leaving behind. 

And though Steve's throat constricted, he nodded back. 

~all I want is, and all I need is~

Steve knew that the girls were a distraction. 

Bucky's heart wasn't in it, and when he found Steve again, trying to enlist, he also knew it was for him. He could see the plea in his eyes- stay, and he knows he should, but Bucky was raised well and he would treat these girls to a night out, then he would come home and find the one who really mattered.

Maybe it would be cold, and Bucky would have to hold his slight frame in close for body heat. Feel the bumps of his spine against his sternum. 

Bucky holds those memories close in his breast, can feel them flutter up each time he takes a woman to bed, or tells them the sweet nothings they crave to hear. "You're all I want, all I need."  
It's not true, because he has been near Steve, know how it feels to burn so hot with need he might melt from it. 

Bucky knows how it feels to be next to someone like Steve, who blocks out all other light until he is the very sun your world revolves around. Knows he is consumed by him, and he is all he will ever want.

But Bucky takes the girls dancing, and leaves Steve, not being able to resist a final grasp, he longs to whisper he will meet him at home, hopes to say something but wonders if it will be too damning, if Steve will see the deep infatuation that burns his blood, and how his heart simmers in it. 

Instead, he says, "don't do anything stupid until I get back." And hopes Steve can't hear the strain in his voice. 

~you took my soul and you wiped it clean~

When Bucky does get back, it's late and Steve is still up, has a bottle of their cheap booze in his hand, and his knuckles are white where they grip around the neck. 

"Buck." He whispers as Bucky walks in the door and hangs his hat. 

"Yeah Stevie." Bucky murmurs as he sits across from him. 

Steve feels emotion bubbling up, the pores in his skin nearly oozing it, but he says nothing, knows it is petty, but he takes heart in this power, the only power he has to prevent Bucky from leaving him. Feels a kind of fluttering hope at the way Bucky looks at him like he would tear apart the world for him if that's what Steve asked for. 

Neither say anything for a long time. 

Bucky's eyes wander to the more secret spaces of Steve, like the little shadow that hides under his chin, where Bucky knows the skin is almost translucent, and the tendons in his neck that Bucky admittedly wants to run his tongue along, track them down to where the disappear in the collar of his shirt. 

"Steve." He whispers before he can say any of his damning thoughts.

"Yes?" He answers quietly, ignoring the way his voice cracks and shudders, weak through the room.

"Please." Bucky says standing and taking his hand. 

Steve only hums in response standing with him as Bucky looks to his face. 

Bucky had prepared words to say to Steve, hoped to say them before he left, but now that he's here, now that he's got Steve's hands in his, he can't bear to say them for they hold too much meaning, and he feels as if he speaks them out loud, it might make it more real. They might break the fragile tightrope Bucky has following Steve on for years. 

He doesn't say anything for a moment, but swallows, and hopes the silence they sit in speaks the words for him. 

Bucky thinks Steve might understand for after a few seconds of torturous silence, Steve whispers, "I know." 

Bucky feels his walls cracking, defences breaking as that small sad smile Steve gives him worms it's way through and get straight to his heart. 

"Is this okay?" Bucky murmurs moving closer, leaning down so that their noses almost touch. 

Steve doesn't reply, not in words, but he moves slowly up to meet Bucky's lips, and let's out a shuddering breath. 

"Bucky." Steve says, and Bucky wraps his arms around him, and Bucky's heart constricts at the sound, hearing the sadness in Steve's voice. 

~take my body, take my body~

Their kiss is gentle but chaste, though Bucky wants slow and tantalizing, Steve pushes back hard and consuming, in a way that leave Bucky glassy eyed panting. 

Bucky doesn't let Steve touch him, gives him this: kneels in front of him needless of the uniform he will probably have to re-iron in the morning. And takes Steve's cock in his mouth relishing the sounds he hears Steve make. 

It feels so right, the weight of Steve in his mouth, and the taste of him on his tongue. 

Steve pants Bucky's name, and digs his fingers into Bucky's hair, making it hopelessly untidy. Steve's hips buck forward and Bucky takes it all, feeling a kind of hopelessness as he feels Steve nearing the end. 

When Steve comes in his mouth, he's sure to swallow it down for he knows it's the only thing of Steve's that he can take with him. 

The only audible sounds are Steve's unsteady breathing and the gentle patter of rain on the roof. 

~alone without you by my side~

It was raining when he left. 

~if you loved me, why'd you leave me?~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Leave a comment or a kudos :)


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